trying.

things are pretty bad today.
i kinda have a huge lump in my throat followed with my heart missing beats. it's hard to be this broke. we have a house but our account is in the negative, our truck needs to be paid in 3 days and we have no way to do it. emrhubs wants me to ask my mom. this in hindsight seems like an okay idea, but she'll make my life a living nightmare if i ask her. she'll hold it against me the rest of my life and she'll make me feel like i owe her. even after i pay her back.
today i really wished it didn't exist because it sucks...

so i just emailed my mom. i just couldn't do it on the phone. ugggh... this is why i WRITE books, their life takes me away from this and makes it a bit easier. if i didn't write or draw or take photos... i'd be in a mental institution... okay well, that maybe a bit over the top but my life would be different. that's for sure.

i'm trying to remember and know this will all be a distant memory soon.

today. mentally. done.

so today we were suppose to get paid. from the company that my husband works for. did they pay us?

no.

but they did say we owed them money.

so they took it.

thanks... well done for letting us know.

we're so broke. we can't even see the broke line... we're tapped out and though we can see the finish line for paramedic school, it's so darn frustrating.

it's pretty bad. i'm not gonna lie.

i mean i could sit here like alot of bloggers do and sugarcoat my life but really... i didn't start this blog to sugarcoat. i started this blog to remember all the good and the bad and to look back and see how far we've come.

basically our insurance companies are being... well, insurance companies. it's balls.

bad. balls.

i did do alot of nice things today and i really tried to not let ball insurance companies ruin it but yea. thanks alot universe... you better have something good up your sleeve... pull it out. i want it now. even though you likely won't give me it till the last second. so give me it. cause we're at the last second.

on a lighter. not so depressing note. i took our toddler to see Strawberry Shortcake in concert... that was a first. 300 kids jumping and screaming as people in costumes sing - somewhat horribly to music... i got a headache. got hit in by 2 dad's (yes, really...i'm pretty sure they were with their wives too)... then spent 5 dollars on a bag of chips and a chocolate milk. but all in all, it was kinda of amusing.

now let's burn this day and start over. as emrhubs i'm sure would agree...

i released book two today!

so minor heart palpitations....

today i reached over 5,000 views on book one of my series, on the poplar reading site WATTPAD <click here> 

Anyway, I thought it would have taken a lot longer but today was the day and today was also the day I got my final feedback on the entire book two! So yes, book two is done but it is purposely getting released in chapters on wattpad to pull in more readers :D So go to that link below if you want to check out book two!

BOOK TWO 

"SANCTION"

kay sorry for the plugg... had to share!! was too excited about the 5,000 reads haha!

new years resolutions.

well. this has taken me a bit too long. who knows if it's still legit. i have to admit. i've been writing my book a lot so this blog has kinda suffered for it.... and the realization that i will have to look back on this post and answer to it should be a big push for me... so am i nuts!?

EMRHUBS MIDTERMS!

emrhubs passed his midterms with a B! yay emrhubs! that also offically means... he's past the half way point of Paramedic school! Isn't that nuts!!!? 

below is some of his classmates as they use MY truck to practice vehicle extractions :P 

update. our life.

WOW i have been super BLOG NEGLECTFUL!

i've had alot of photography work to do this week and things are still stressful as far as money is concerned... luckily have a $1000 cheque coming that i didn't know we would ever get! will pay some of the bills. we're still waiting after 7 months for our truck insurance to kick in, the insurance company is RIDICULOUS! like... if we hadn't have any money - it would have been REPO long ago... i don't even understand why we paid them if they can't even approve a perfectly good claim.

this is all relevant anyway cause yea... it probably makes no sense. I just know MARCH 22... my hubby will be DONE paramedic school... then he has to precept and do clinicals but we will be OMG-SO-CLOSE to our goal and i can see it now... me looking out my living room window and seeing my horses and my horse trailer and all that lovely stuff!

today emrhubs is volunteering! then we're going to dinner at my moms. emrhubs loves my mom *sarcastic barfing*

MY LAST WEEK (IPHONE STYLE)

saw cirque due solie with my mom and grandma. 

i've seen 3 different shows now in my life. i love them! 

amaluna this time. so HOT! 

last night. downtown.

last night i worked for a local musician doing a video film for her of her performance at the vancouver Lady Gaga aftershow. it was pretty cool! I was by myself though so while I stuck around and saw a few more performers, had a couple drinks, then it got super busy and you can't really dance with a gear bag haha but i really liked my makeup last night so I thought i'd show you that and a shot of vancouver last night. it was super pretty. lots of people, and it was cool and crisp. NO RAIN! a miracle in itself!

My inspiration for the make up last night was from bella in twilight. her makeup in break dawn II is awesome. particularly this scene.

emrhubs midterm practical exams.

emrhubs did AWESOME on his mid term practical exams yesterday and yes, we're at the HALF WAY POINT! (i don't quite believe it myself haha)

yes, he's been in school since july 2012 and in this course since november... it's seemed so long and i remember thinking back to when we would actually be at the half way point through PCP... here we are! I'm so excited. 3 more months and my husband will be a paramedic. pretty sweet right??

2013 already paying me back.

if miracles really can happen. then i believe now.

our dog was found and rescued thursday evening. she found a property and was on their front porch when they got home. when we picked her up she was shaking. they had given her a bath. when i asked her if she wanted to go home... she ran at our truck. on the drive home she slept. now i told you 2013 was going to be a good year.

on a side note, i still have not finished my new years resolutions but expect that post soon.

today i am home alone. my hubby is out studying with his classmates as school starts again on monday morning for him. we are still pretty broke as we haven't gotten any money from anyone but found out his company will be paying us out his vacation... which i guess if you look at it, we can pay the bills this month and get one step closer to march 22nd, when emrhubs will be done PCP and he can start really working. I look at it, it's not far away now. we're at the half way point. he's almost there... and though we got a bit of a beating in 2012, this are turning around for the better.

i will post more next week though. this week was way too high of emotions with our dog missing and all that! hope your new year is going the way you hoped  so far :)

bella xx

PS. on one more note, i have had a lot of people asking about book 2 from my series so i decided to release the cover and teaser scene... check that out on my website for Heart Of Hunters... 

2012.

2012. you made me cry. you made me cringe. you made my insides turn and my heart stop. you made us jump through hoops, just to drag us through the mud. you tested our patience and heightened our stess. you took me away from easy and showed me real life....2012 you had amazing moments but you sure knew how to deal them...

at the beginning of this year I was pregnant with our baby boy. we weren't really thinking of what was next but we thought we were still horse hauling so we were planning that. everything seemed okay going into the first month. but emrhubs back got messed up at work. so he went off. then we braved a broken down truck, hundreds of miles away from home. trusting a shop that should have been trustworthy. that landed us in debt and never fixed our truck. but in the process we met some amazing people and emrhubs started to think about paramedic school. we had our son in june and then emrhub's dad cheated on his mom and she came to live with us. he now seems like a different person to us. i swear - you can try to be as big of a person as you want, but you'll never be the same person to me. and then hub's went back to work. then he got assulted. then i remember thinking 'NOW WHAT...' but he went to school, for EMR and passed. but for the past six months he hadn't been at work. and things started to get tense. between doctors and the work safe company. and we somehow scrounged up $5,900 to put emrhubs in Paramedic School for the fall. now we were in the home stretch. 2012 was almost over. he's half way through school and week before the company tells us their not covering emrhubs for what happened to him. so we have to claim it on our benefits. So we try to make it the best christmas we can. then for the last hurrah for new years we decide to rent a cabin out in the valley of vancouver. while we were there this weekend our beloved rescue dog maggie seemly gets ill, but bounces back the next day. today she disappeared. leaving the kids and our yellow lab. We searched for five hours in the woods. looking and hoping but she never came back. we love you maggie. we always will. you will forever be our dog. you will forever be ours. i will never let you do. never. ever.

now that it's 2013, beat down from 2012 and this coming from someone who is always a optimistic. i know things happen for reasons. but taking my dog was a hard pill to swallow, 2012. and on new years eve?

 so that being said. 2013 will have to be amazing. it will be amazing, because i am fully exhausted and i feel the battle on me. I feel it weighing in. im done. i will never forget this year but i won't readily look back either. so turn to the new chapter in our life. cause 2013, you're now here.

will post new years resolutions in a bit here... still thinking...

love you maggie...