trying.

things are pretty bad today.
i kinda have a huge lump in my throat followed with my heart missing beats. it's hard to be this broke. we have a house but our account is in the negative, our truck needs to be paid in 3 days and we have no way to do it. emrhubs wants me to ask my mom. this in hindsight seems like an okay idea, but she'll make my life a living nightmare if i ask her. she'll hold it against me the rest of my life and she'll make me feel like i owe her. even after i pay her back.
today i really wished it didn't exist because it sucks...

so i just emailed my mom. i just couldn't do it on the phone. ugggh... this is why i WRITE books, their life takes me away from this and makes it a bit easier. if i didn't write or draw or take photos... i'd be in a mental institution... okay well, that maybe a bit over the top but my life would be different. that's for sure.

i'm trying to remember and know this will all be a distant memory soon.