the last 3 days...

well the last 3 days have been CRAZY. moved my horse and did everything in between. Hubby2be passed his exam with 88% !! and now he's back at school doing some practice work with his fellow students. I'm realizing my life will generally be with the kids now. Though I had a minor mental breakdown today because I feel like I never get much of a break, I took the kids to the new barn where Lilly is and we actually managed to brush the horse and hang out a bit without any freak outs. Our toddler's hair got licked by the goat and she insisted on trying to pet the chicken's every two seconds, till finally - she succeeded! I dunno those chicken's must have just given up haha she was very impressed with herself. Now we're back home. Baby having a bottle, toddler drawing and me in attempt to catch up on photo work. I'm hoping I can get completely caught up before this Saturday before I add to the pot of craziness and more photos!
hubby2be sud be home very soon (i hope) for supper!

i've cooled off...

I have defiantly cooled off since earlier. hubby2be came home from the gym and the kids stopped screaming... i think sometimes i just need to say it how i feel it. for the first time i've been able to write down what im feeling. it was theraputic. it most defiantly does not mean i am ungrateful for my life. i know i have a very nice life. he works hard for us and especially me - to give me what i've always wanted.
tonight i went to Costco with my mother-in-law, i bought a case of b100 complex vitamin. it's suppose to help with stress & energy. Plus, i attract mosquitos BIG TIME and taking vitamin B is suppose to repel them. I'll try anything as right now i have a mosquito bite on the bottom of my foot. yes, my foot. don't ask.

tomorrow hubby2be has his first exam, wish him lots of LUCK! i'm sure he'll ace it, he's obsessed with weird bodily functions and he's already started talking in a language i have no idea what it is... we were watching a show called 'one born every minute' - while he accused it of making life harder on the mother's and children (we are midwife people, not crazies but we educated ourselves on a lot of hospital protocol before our kids and it's scary what they try to do to you to make THEIR life easier... just saying) but some of the babies were born a bit rough and one looked very grey, he called it some fancy-ass word and then explained it's because they told her not to push till the Doctor came (see what i mean) and the baby didn't receive enough oxygen... or something...
anyway. he's done this several times to me now. haha

im angry...

god im angry today. maybe i just cant handle both these kids. i feel like a freaking two year old. like i dont have a life. i need to work, but i can't. cause everytime i do start i have to get up and stop some catastrophic mess. he's been outside the entire day, not in the house, so i've been all alone. he's the president of our strata. comes and asks if "im okay" and then leaves again. why do you even bother coming to ask, not like it really matters! Just go pressure wash shit that dosn't even really need it and i'll sit here feeling like i have no life. i have packages i need to mail, a horse to ride and photos to edit. do i ever get 3-4 hrs to actually "work" - no, i'm expected to work magically without actually working at all... or getting a chance to... im about a boiling angry red pot of anger right now... im sick of having so much work and not being given any time to do. even when i've asked for it. i might as well just stop taking photos and live as a hermit with the kids. sounds productive to me!
not to mention the longer than crap list of wedding stuff that has to either be made or done... but no, by all means, let's pressure wash for 5 hours straight.