one person out there.

well. I you know when people talk to you about life experiences. how they build you and shape you into a different person. How one moment, can change you and how you look at things...

well saturday night that happened to me.

emrhubs was volunteering and I was heading to my friend's party at a studio. things were going super good. until this guy walks in.

magnetic pull... whatever you want to call it. kept us looking at each other.

here i was shouting at myself - what the heck! walk da hell the other way. but I couldn't and I figured even if I talked to him. what's the worse that could happen?

The thing is... I used to preach. oh my gawd, I don't understand how people cheat on people. how do you do that to the person you're meant to spend your life with! what's wrong WITH people! 

that was me like last week.

the thing is. yes, I am fully committed to my husband but that night. that party. it gave me a taste of maybe that's why people cheat. maybe that's why it's hard to walk away. maybe there's not just one person out there for everyone.

it's a scary thought. and I want you guys to know, nothing came of this. however, it shook me a bit.

He in many senses... gave me the same feelings my husband does and that scared me. my husband wasn't there to pull me away or catch me. or say what are you doing!

It was one night and I spent the whole night - talking to this great man but I had my great man at home. The one i married, committed to, have children with and love.

it's very odd to be in that situation. i've never craved another person.
it was like a light switched got flipped on and it was BLINKING at me, saying... well if you hadn't ever met emrhubs or had kids or... this guy would have been it too.

It's mind mess-able! the way he looked at me. the way he followed me. let me tease him. the way that even though i said i had kids and husband, you saw his face break... oh gawd, it was AWFUL. so awful!

yet, i'm so glad it happened. Im so glad i experienced that and chose to walk back to my husband.
that guy wasn't an ass or a idiot, he deserves a good girl and he'll get one. but i wasn't that girl.

maybe another life. another world. another century, but not this one.

thank god... i have this man. (we soooo need new photos, i'm gonna work on that in the next month here haha)

this all might sound weird to you but i wanted to share it and like i've said before, this blog is borderline therapy for me a lot of time. 

i hate that moment. when you do that dumb thing and ...

emrhubs on his 3rd block of precepting today. he's almost done.
us however, ugh... financially, this sucks. we now need to hire a lawyer to fight wcb. I'm not even going to get into it. basically because it gives me an anxiety attack.

on a lighter note, the last few days have been... alright. but i had one moment yesterday - you know when you screw up by accident but it makes you look like a total idiot? yeah, that was me. yesterday. and for me. i'm pretty emotional so i get obsessive - unfortunately, i usually can't comprehend i need to just let it go and move on and learn my lesson from it.

I'm now coming to that realization. however, yesterday, i was a total idiot about it.

you know what i think should happen!?? MONEY sud fall from the sky so all my dumb worries can be paid for, with money. haha... if only. if only!

emrhubs is almost done school, almost hired by BC ambulance and we're so close to a regular paycheck again.

oh and on a sid-er note... i've been trying to teach myself to color my drawings in photoshop! I dunno what do you think??

{drawing i dd in my sketch book}

{colored in photoshop...} 

if there is a god, i hope he can help us through this next bit till we get there xx

Bella

hell of a ride!

well... i've sucked at posting. I've been writing a lot to be honest, its sort of consuming between life and this. I've somehow made some sort of name for myself on wattpad, which leaves me receiving emails and requests all day. My werewolf novel ALASKA has been #1 for almost 2 weesk straight and today I flipped to 3 million reads. However awesome this is, it's not making money yet lol. I'm working hard to change that. man that would be AMAZING. money... haha and doing what i've always wanted to do!

emrhubs just finished his second block of precepting with BC Ambulance last night. he's gotten alot of "interesting" calls haha. I actually sort of love hearing all the stuff that happens. most of it is quite amusing, aside from the once in a while serious thing of course! people are funny. lucky he seems the happiest i've ever seen him and even if our credit it screwed five ways from sunday... at least my husband is happy and he's lost I swear like 15 pounds in two weeks from being so active and all that! Amazing!  truly amazing.

on another note, he's almost hired with BCAS. Just the physical test and the criminal record check and he's in. We're very excited, been one hell of a ride!

Thanks for reading and i'm very grateful you all come by to read our story! xx