sweet dreams.

when i was a kid i would dream. 

not about what i wanted for christmas or what i would get for my birthday but about what i would get out of life...

maybe it's my overactive imagination but i would fall asleep every night to thoughts of what my life would or could be like.

i would go there and think about my house, my cars, my pets, my kids... my husband... always coming back to the same conclusion ...

that one day i would get those things. i would live them. 

as i turned into a teenager i realized how negative the world was. even when things we're not going right in my life, i still had one thing going right... my dreams.

dreaming kept me living in a lot of ways.

when i was lonely, i go to a place where i wasn't lonely.

when i started writing at the age of 13, my dreams grew only more...

my head that often kept me up at night made me write and write and write... till i had aching wrists and sore fingers but i wouldn't stop. not for the life of me.

i would draw my characters and live their lives through my words.

dreaming for me has given me a lot of things.

i think on more levels than one... it brought me my husband.

i wanted a man that loved me more than he loved anything else.

and though it's weird to say yes, that's true. it's so true. that man loves me more than life itself.

i dreamed of kids... i have kids.

i dreamed i would get a horse brought to my doorstep on christmas day and my husband brought me a horse on christmas day to my doorstep two years ago.

i dreamt one day i'd get published.

alaska is getting published.

and most of all, i dreamt i would live on a farm... with my kids, horses, dogs, whatever! and a cute little house with a cozy little wood burning stove and a vaulted ceiling and chandelier.

yes, i've dreamt a lot of things. 

i've dreamt of being a famous rock star and going to my movie premiers for my books (once they got their movie deal) and wether or not that happens ever... haha... time will tell but one things for certain.

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A DREAMER. 

so even when life is getting me down, i find sanction in my dreams.

when i'm afraid to open the mail, answer the phone or even just breathe...

i go back to my dreams. because they guide me, help me, focus me back on where i want to be.

sweet dreams.

you got a call, didn't you?

i just never thought i'd be sitting here texting my husband...
"You got a call, didn't you?" 
he's up north working for BCAS and we're here. the good news. tomorrow will be a total of 6 showings on the house...
that means... I sure hope that means we get a realistic and nice offer.
would be so amazing to be with him all the time up there!
he is making good money, we're getting out of this hole now.
...

in the past week i've just learned to look at all this and be so thankful. know that we'll figure it all out and that everything happens for a reason.

i am so excited to move and start the next chapter and i can't believe i've blogged this whole time.

i can't believe where we were when i started this blog and now... life is just so different and sometimes yes, it so much harder but it is so much better.

you got a call, didn't you?

he comes home in 2 weeks :)

please.

i need the skies to part.
i need every ounce of anything I've ever had in me to shine through now.
i want us to just catch a break.

i need it. i wishing it with all my heart that we can now finally find our peace.

i understand people struggle just like us, maybe years of it but i can't stand being hounded by creditors anymore and being threatened. when i hardly owe money really.

we need something to give.
please world. with anything you can, can you just let me have this one thing.
all i want is peace.
all i want to do is move.
here we are, we found a home we love and feels like home and all we have to do is sell this house.

this may all seem left feild but honestly i just couldn't bring myself to write about it on here.

we found a house up north and we put in an offer.

believing our house here would be an easy sell.

because really, it should be. its a nice clean house in vancouver, bc. but now the realtor wants to drop it. making us walk away with not enough for the new downpayment...

but all i want is my new life. i want AWAY from this place!!

do you know what it feels like to suffocate?

that's what i feel like here. i want to breathe!!!

i want to be done this dumb torment, it's chiselled my heart for over a year and i refuse to let it win. i am determined.

let us go and let us move and be my husband.

he's seven hours away, working everyday to catch up on bills.

please.