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i think of all the people in the world, you that read this blog know... we have not had life handed to us on a sliver platter (tho that would be super cool and i would really like that_ but that aside. we have not. and that being said. i would like to take full responsibility for this post being full of myself.
I am SO HAPPY we have done what we've done.
I am SO HAPPY we have lost what we did.
and lastly, I am SO HAPPY we gained what we have.

I didn't start this blog to sugar-coat. I started this blog to write what I want.

after a huge falling out with my beloved grandparents over the fact that my drug addicted aunt is not safe when she brings john's into their house while i'm there and their kids. i gave up. i walked away. and even tho this is the first christmas that i have not spoke or talked to them, it was the best, not because i didn't talk to them. hell, i love them. i love them so much it hurt me. i want to cry. but at the same time. i choose my husband and my kids.

i realized a few things.

life's not perfect but you make the most and in amidst the crap you find the peace.

I didn't fight the last year and half for my husband to be thrown away and treated like crap. my family dosn't like me for reasons i can't understand. apparently going after your dreams is not cool. but i decided today. i will not stand for it anymore.

 as a paramedic in BC my husband works 24/7. he dosn't really get a break unless he says i can't work that day. that being he's too in love with the job and too amazing at it. if people fault him on that, then it's jealousy. I have credit collectors wanting money from me. i give them money but at the end of the day struggling for the past year and half means this and if no one LIKES THAT. to hell with them, even if they are family and even if i still love them. it dosn't make us better, it just makes us happy with our life and that's all i ever wanted. and asked for.

be happy.

life's too short to stay miserable.
not chase what you want.
be afraid of what you don't know.

i'm only twenty-three years old. i realized a long time ago, people will judge you on your age but i vowed never to let my age determine my life.
i was willing to learn from my mistakes and move forward stronger and now as the end of the year hits, i've learned more and grown more.

living the life we were wasn't good.
sure, we got screwed by his past employer, we lost money on our house when we sold it, we rented a house without looking at it, our truck needs work, we're in a bit of a debt but we're happy.

i don't even understand myself right now.
by all those things i listed above. i should be upset.

i mean when my husband drove a bus, we had none of those things.

however we have one thing we never really did before.

happy.

and that is all that really seems to matter, because the rest, is fixable but happiness is not.