the everything wife.

my husband hasn't been home since 9am this morning. it's 11.30pm now. he got sucked into another call area and they kept throwing calls at them. everything from a roll over MVA to transporting some patients around, he's still on the clock as i write this.
when i looked at the time just now, i realized how long he'd been gone for and everything i'd done today, by myself and i have to say, i am impressed. here i was thinking how i wasn't good enough, or hadn't done enough but this is what my day today looked like.

6.30 am - get up, get kid ready for school
7.20 am - go and wait for the bus to pick up said kid
7.40 am - feed all the animals morning hay
8 am - come inside, make breakfast for me and the 3 yr old
8.30 am - put on a cartoon for said 3 yr old and start sweeping and mopping the floors
9 am - say bye to hubby as he gets called out
10 am - check my email, start laundry
11am - start editing my novel...
11.30 am - start lunch, play with toddler
12pm - lunch and then do the dishes
1pm - tidy up house
1.30pm - start some laundry
2.20pm - get outside clothes on, get outside and go wait for the bus
2.40pm - start evening feeding and chores.
3.30pm - come inside, make tea for survival and start dinner
4.30pm - get call from hubby that he's not going to be home till well after 6pm, decide to eat dinner early
5.30pm - put on PAW PATROL (they are obsessed) for the kids and try to edit more of my novel
7pm - BATHS... fight with toddler...
7.30pm - bed time for said tired-toddler
8pm - watch Cinderella with my 5 yr old daughter.
9pm - talk to hubby, still not off, talk to my mom
9.30pm - Cinderella ends, bed time for 5 yr old.
10pm - sit and bask in SILENCE
10.30pm - answer more emails, edit more of the novel...
11.30pm - realize i didn't do enough today, realize what i actually did today, realize it was enough. keep editing the novel.


i know now how capable i am of functioning alone with 2 kids and a farm full of animals.
my husband is out there helping others and i'm here raising kids that i hope strive to help others too, that have good values and cherish their lives.
twenty years from now, i know i won't regret a moment of this, even though today i wanted to pull out my hair twice ;)

the summer is gone.

we spent the summer doing so much, it's basically blurred all together. literally. i have no idea where the last four months went. and my blogging skills are nill apparently, i do better-updating instagram and my facebook (and even there I've been lacking)...

we did everything from buying a tractor, to excavating our yard, to building fences and setting up a red-neck cattle chute. my husband also spent 3 weeks working up in camps for the forest fires and returning home to work for BCAS.

we raised over 125 poultry, took care of numerous livestock and butchered pigs. farm life is day in and day out, we're used to it but we took on even more work buying this farm and expanding our stock. we also now have a baby foal as a mare i bought at auction ended up pregnant. now we're into fall and it's hurry up and finish everything before it freezes, which it's been trying to do!

it's literally insane how much money we have invested in this property. everywhere you look, you see our money, which I have to say, is better than NOT seeing where your money is going.

Our hobby farm is not cheap but it is amazing getting to live here everyday, walk outside and be like "this is ours". 

I am constantly reminded of when I was young (earliest memory of this is around 9 years old) and dreaming of my one-day farm. I wanted to raise performance horses and I can seriously see myself doing that in the next years to come. I'm absolutely in love with the idea and the further developments to our farm! 

happy autumn! 

Almost settled.

well, we got internet... finally.
mostly moved in... but still lots to do.

going on 2 weeks almost with limited sleep, last night was my first night of actual 8 hours of continuous sleep but that hasn't helped the fact that i feel like i've just been put through a squat blender... literally my legs are sorta jelly like, especially when waking up in the morning.

at this rate, it may take months to be completely settled in, this was our first move with this many animals and it's been quite the process, a lot of finicky trailer packing.

in between all this crazy moving and hauling, my husband has been working mostly every day and even had to turn down work to get us moved, if he was bale to that was. there was more than a few days were he had to just say no because we were so behind on some of the moving.

we did rent our other house for a full 2 weeks after we took possession of the new house, so that's helped a ton, i recommend doing that period, even if you are a city-dweller. Moving all our stuff, kids and dogs was almost enough to make me lose my head! so glad we've had this buffer time to clean and move.

but finally, we are home.
and I am home alone again to unpack and organize as yes, my husband is working again, today.

(new property's back dry-corrals)

we got our dream property and jumped the hoops.

all my stress has been mostly relieved.
As of this past Friday, we are buying our own property!

I guess, I say most of my stress is relieved because it's still very surreal. 

We've been wanting to buy a property here for almost 2 years, basically since my husband started at the Ambulance Service but things then did not go as planned, for a few reasons...

The few reasons are, I feel, others should know about because we didn't... and not even our realtor that had sold our previous house at the time, bothered to say these things to mention them to us...
- banks wants you to have at least 2 years working history
- porting a mortgage means you have to actually RE-QUALIFY for a mortgage, but you can't try to re-qualify for that mortgage until you have an accepted offer on your previous home. 

In other words, 2 years ago, we sold our house under the impression we could just move it to another house for the same price, WRONG. So we ended up selling and losing both houses at the time and $$$.

It was heart breaking, and at that point in our life, a big let down. However, it also taught us A LOT...

I mean, even this place wasn't easy to get a mortgage on...
why? because my husband's job on paper makes no sense. 

You'd think an emergency service job would be a no-brainer - but it's not when you're a Part-time employee who works more than a full-time guy. To banks, it's confusing as all heck!

And though we'd spent almost 2 years paying off all our debt and building our savings, so we could get a new mortgage, it still required the attention of a very knowledgeable Mortgage Broker.

See, back in January, we went for another property but we had a mortgage broker who had NO IDEA what to present to the banks for us, she got our credit hit 4 times in one week!! We were DEVASTATED!! It really hurt to have our credit messed around like that and still being told no, even though we have a substantial down payment.

So, when we found our new mortgage broker, though a random phone call to my husband's aunt and uncle, we figured it was just a long shot and didn't expect much, she however GOT US A REALLY GREAT MORTGAGE from an A-lender! and why? BECAUSE she knew how to present us - as people and our situation - to the banks and not just follow a cookie cutter application!

So its pays to have someone who knows what they are doing!! Because getting told no, over and over again is very hard, especially when we've worked and tried as hard as we have these past 3 years to change our life for the better.

I'm only writing all this because I wish I had read someone's story like this before all we had went through had happened. I hope this information/story can help others when looking to purchase a home when your job is less than thrilling looking on paper.

I think it's pretty wrong, that my husband makes as much as he does, but to a bank, he's not appealing!! It's almost insane! He does love working for BC Ambulance though and that is why we've toughed it out and wanted to make it work here for our family.

All is well now, and thus starts yet another new chapter in our life!!

We move in MAY!!

There's a lot of history on this blog and I keep thinking - wow, I can't believe we've survived all this and here we are, still going!!

spring has sprung.

I made this whole pack about Blogging and then I killed it. wow, what a surprise... i can write full length novels but keep a blog? nope.
For that, my apologies.
My husband might be the only one that reads this blog anyway....

So, without further ado... some kind of blog!

Spring is here.
It seems like it took forever but it was a pretty mild winter all together. They are calling for a hot/dry summer, which probably isn't too good with the little snow we got. Dry/hot here means forrest fires. That's when the air around here gets blue and sometimes you'll go outside and all you can smell is smoke. It's pretty normal, or so I'm told, this will be our second summer here.

I wish I had a legitimate excuse for not blogging, other than, when I get stressed, blogging seems to take a back seat in my busy-brain. Which is true... I should have technically just been writing about what happened cause really, it's just the ride of life but all of it is working out, and that's all I'm going to say. Let's just say, we've been playing the hurry up and wait game for ... 2.5 months??! yep, that's about right! It's been horrible BUT have to remind myself how blessed we are now. Life is pretty easy now, simple, good.

We're happy.

So, yes, spring has sprung. Now can't wait for summer and sun and long trail rides on my horse and watching my kids bounce on their new trampoline!! (they love that thing)

Till next time.

family day weekend buzz.

the snow is melting and things are looking up around here!
my husband is working a kilo shift, after coming off a fox night shift. This is normal. I might see him this afternoon, if I'm lucky. If not, he'll be home later tonight.
I'd love to spill all the news on our hopeful surprise, but sometimes, I'm sorta superstitious, so I'm gonna keep my mouth shut still.
this weekend, we had our friends come up and visit us, they travelled 12 hours and it was awesome to hang out with them for so long! Esp. when we really haven't seen them in 2 years...
the festivities included a lot of this...

and my husband and my best friend's fiancé throwing snow balls at our cows. I swear men never actually grow up, considering they thought this was the funniest thing ever, i beg to differ on what our cows thought.
overall, it was a pretty decent family-day weekend!

it pays...

It pays to have a paramedic husband when your puppy gets cut on the barbed wire fence at 7 o'clock at night... she's alright and she was brave, it was quite the cut but once again, my husband saved the day. Apparently our kitchen counter works well as an emergency table.

When It snows.

When it really starts to snow up here, it's usually a guarantee if my husband is on-call, he'll be called out. As was this morning, 8 am call out. We got about 3 inches of fresh powder today and who know's what tomorrow will bring, I did hear that it was suppose to snow for 3 days straight...

Cabin Fever

Thing about being a wife of a paramedic, is never really knowing what the next day will bring. With my husband's crazy schedule, we don't really have a set "schedule" in this house.

If we need to do something, like grocery shop, go to town, get feed for the animals, it's done in between my husband being on call and actually being on shift. Which is sometimes 2 weeks straight of work, and everything else gets put on hold...

Sometimes it can drive me a bit insane, or even make me wonder when the last time he was home!
Take for example the other day, he was on call, got called out right at 8am, his car got sucked into a bigger city 5 hours away and bam, did not get home till 12am. Yeah, that's 16 hours.

But that's normal for him and I've heard a lot of people say it's hard on the other spouse, but honestly, I already do pretty well alone, so it doesn't bother me too much, unless it's one of those days where the kids are driving me crazy... ha ...

and with me being all alone with just the kids, comes the dread of being stuck inside in winter. I thought the snow was melting this week, that was hopeful of me, it just snowed another inch this morning.

Winter is not the best time in the country, after Christmas that is, cabin fever right now is at the highest, kids are basically so stir crazy it's not funny!

I cannot wait for summer.

There's something very relieving about knowing we have 10 acres of grass for them to just run on.

So, as I still wait for the news I want to hear, I'm really feeling the winter cabin fever right now...

Waiting on News

I'm sitting at our kitchen table, awaiting news.
News, the unknown, something that can still very easily stress me out.
But writing back on this blog reminds me of the news waiting we've done in the past, good or bad, it always worked out in the end, always happened for a reason.

Last week monday, I let my easy to stress self get panicked over the awaiting news.
It isn't by any means news like the health of a loved one, and for that, I have to be grateful, in fact, this is just another awaiting of news, to see where our life will lead us next.

I'd tell you what it is but I'm sort of superstitious sometimes... maybe that's another one of my paranoia issues! Maybe later today I'll write again and let you all know what the news is...

Till then, winter can keep melting away up here in the north and I need to do some serious writing catch up for my newsletter this week!!

2015 GOALS.

Seems like a theme on this blog, my New Year Goals (2014, 2013) and I gotta say, I did MOST of my goals from last year... which isn't bad, considering, I didn't give the list a another glance from last year when I wrote it...

I had one more goal of 2014 and it was to become Stronger Emotionally and to be able to Deal with Situations Better. Well, I gotta say, I still get shaky but I've become better at knowing things will work out, even if horrible things happen, something good is just around the corner. I can't say totally, I don't get wrapped up in stress, cause I do stress easily but I am really trying to stay calm under pressure and not fold to pressure either! I'm my own person and just like my husband often does, when wrong is done, stand up for what is right.

So without further ado... 

Back to Lights and Sirens!

So, OMG, I was actually talking to my husband the other day and he asked about my paramedic-wife blog and I said to him, "You know, we've just been so busy, it's sort of slipped my mind." And that's when, it stopped slipping my mind.

I'm not the best blogger, and for a writer, that makes little sense, I know!!

So here's to a new year and new blogs, alot more blogs, because honestly, I have alot to write about...
Or maybe to catch you up on, or let's just say - start fresh!

My husband's a paramedic in a rural city in British Columbia, since our town has a total population of 11,000 - he usually gets recognized grocery shopping or really, doing anything in town, alot of people will just come up to him and say thank you or say hi. At first, that was a bit weird but now, that I've gotten used to small-town living and so has he, it's actually comforting and teaches one to be humble and appreciate every day for what it's worth.

Now, me, well, I'm the stay at home mom still, who writes paranormal/romance books after the kids are in bed. I am also an avid horse girl and I do have a slight obsession with my dogs (slight). We live on 10 acres outside the city limits and I spend my days, loading up a wood fire, potty training our 2 year old, trying not to let our 4 year old's attitude take over and feeding a total of about 20 animals!

Welcome BACK to our life, in between the busy schedule of an amazing paramedic!

2014 goals/resolutions ...

2013 was a strength builder. feels like the last two years were but i think 2013 really was. cause it's the year we stopped being afraid and decided to just do what we had to get where we wanted to.

my husband this past year fulfilled his dream and became a licensed PCP, he also got hired with BCAS... which is a huge accomplishment for him. sometimes i don't think im living in reality. i think it's a dream but then i get a bill from someone! haha *back to reality*

last year i wrote some "GOALS" down because I never really did the "resolution" thing...

these were them... you can also look back here...

1) wanted to lose 30 lbs. DONE

2) make it to the top 10 on wattpad. I am now a top writer on wattpad, which is more then I could have dreamed of for this goal. 

3) be more forgiving and accepting. I've tried to proactively be less judgement and more happy, even to people who speak negatively to me. So I guess that sorta worked out. 

4) make it into a wedding blog. I've decided to move way from professional photography as a means of income and focus on writing instead. I'm happy about this decision.

5) start a jewllery line. Well I did do this! But then decided I didn't really want to presue it. but hey, i tried! 

6) move away from vancouver. DONE BABY DONE, though we did sell our house and get burned pretty bad, we realize everything happens for a reason and we're so happy to be here :) 

7) pattern my horse lilly for barrel racing. ha ha ha... this goal is getting carried over, due to my husband needing to travel so much for work and such, I didn't get to spend the time with Lilly I wanted :( but this year will be much different!! 

8) Get a book agent. GOT published so umm... i don't know wat else to say!! I am flabbergasted!!

... SO 2014 ... 

new years decor //

following

i think of all the people in the world, you that read this blog know... we have not had life handed to us on a sliver platter (tho that would be super cool and i would really like that_ but that aside. we have not. and that being said. i would like to take full responsibility for this post being full of myself.
I am SO HAPPY we have done what we've done.
I am SO HAPPY we have lost what we did.
and lastly, I am SO HAPPY we gained what we have.

I didn't start this blog to sugar-coat. I started this blog to write what I want.

after a huge falling out with my beloved grandparents over the fact that my drug addicted aunt is not safe when she brings john's into their house while i'm there and their kids. i gave up. i walked away. and even tho this is the first christmas that i have not spoke or talked to them, it was the best, not because i didn't talk to them. hell, i love them. i love them so much it hurt me. i want to cry. but at the same time. i choose my husband and my kids.

i realized a few things.

life's not perfect but you make the most and in amidst the crap you find the peace.

I didn't fight the last year and half for my husband to be thrown away and treated like crap. my family dosn't like me for reasons i can't understand. apparently going after your dreams is not cool. but i decided today. i will not stand for it anymore.

 as a paramedic in BC my husband works 24/7. he dosn't really get a break unless he says i can't work that day. that being he's too in love with the job and too amazing at it. if people fault him on that, then it's jealousy. I have credit collectors wanting money from me. i give them money but at the end of the day struggling for the past year and half means this and if no one LIKES THAT. to hell with them, even if they are family and even if i still love them. it dosn't make us better, it just makes us happy with our life and that's all i ever wanted. and asked for.

be happy.

life's too short to stay miserable.
not chase what you want.
be afraid of what you don't know.

i'm only twenty-three years old. i realized a long time ago, people will judge you on your age but i vowed never to let my age determine my life.
i was willing to learn from my mistakes and move forward stronger and now as the end of the year hits, i've learned more and grown more.

living the life we were wasn't good.
sure, we got screwed by his past employer, we lost money on our house when we sold it, we rented a house without looking at it, our truck needs work, we're in a bit of a debt but we're happy.

i don't even understand myself right now.
by all those things i listed above. i should be upset.

i mean when my husband drove a bus, we had none of those things.

however we have one thing we never really did before.

happy.

and that is all that really seems to matter, because the rest, is fixable but happiness is not.

 

up north and moved in.

we've settled in up north in British Columbia, it's really weird stoking a fire and sitting with my husband while he's on call. 

last year I wrote about where I wanted to be one day, well, we didn't get the house we initially wanted but we got a close second. It's a 10 acre farm, that we are renting for a couple years. It's a huge flat property, Lilly is now right outside the door and this morning we woke up to a foot of snow. 

Yes, there was no snow last night annddd now there is! 

I will now be able to blog more regularly as for one, we now have internet after a month and two, I am going to be taking on less work load to focus on writing and taking care of the kids. for some reason being a house wife now makes more sense to me!?

I've already done alot that I wasn't doing in the city. For one, I'm really motivated to clean and do more with the kids. The animals are happy. 

The dogs love it. they are no longer too big for the house we live in. 

It's simple but cute :)

Our property. Lilly's barn on bottom photo.

we're moving!! no im not joking around.

yes, on tuesday. yes this Tuesday we are moving to a 10 acre property :)
Our house sold here and we need to be out for the 15th! so we had to leave early cause of Hubby's shifts!
I know it's insane and don't worry the move is just as insane!

we have like 24 hrs and a huge truck to do it in.

anyway more info to follow on our new "simple" life.

totally excited!! and since im gonna have alot less to do i will now blog through the very snowy winter!

Halloween 2013 below :) 

sweet dreams.

when i was a kid i would dream. 

not about what i wanted for christmas or what i would get for my birthday but about what i would get out of life...

maybe it's my overactive imagination but i would fall asleep every night to thoughts of what my life would or could be like.

i would go there and think about my house, my cars, my pets, my kids... my husband... always coming back to the same conclusion ...

that one day i would get those things. i would live them. 

as i turned into a teenager i realized how negative the world was. even when things we're not going right in my life, i still had one thing going right... my dreams.

dreaming kept me living in a lot of ways.

when i was lonely, i go to a place where i wasn't lonely.

when i started writing at the age of 13, my dreams grew only more...

my head that often kept me up at night made me write and write and write... till i had aching wrists and sore fingers but i wouldn't stop. not for the life of me.

i would draw my characters and live their lives through my words.

dreaming for me has given me a lot of things.

i think on more levels than one... it brought me my husband.

i wanted a man that loved me more than he loved anything else.

and though it's weird to say yes, that's true. it's so true. that man loves me more than life itself.

i dreamed of kids... i have kids.

i dreamed i would get a horse brought to my doorstep on christmas day and my husband brought me a horse on christmas day to my doorstep two years ago.

i dreamt one day i'd get published.

alaska is getting published.

and most of all, i dreamt i would live on a farm... with my kids, horses, dogs, whatever! and a cute little house with a cozy little wood burning stove and a vaulted ceiling and chandelier.

yes, i've dreamt a lot of things. 

i've dreamt of being a famous rock star and going to my movie premiers for my books (once they got their movie deal) and wether or not that happens ever... haha... time will tell but one things for certain.

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A DREAMER. 

so even when life is getting me down, i find sanction in my dreams.

when i'm afraid to open the mail, answer the phone or even just breathe...

i go back to my dreams. because they guide me, help me, focus me back on where i want to be.

sweet dreams.

you got a call, didn't you?

i just never thought i'd be sitting here texting my husband...
"You got a call, didn't you?" 
he's up north working for BCAS and we're here. the good news. tomorrow will be a total of 6 showings on the house...
that means... I sure hope that means we get a realistic and nice offer.
would be so amazing to be with him all the time up there!
he is making good money, we're getting out of this hole now.
...

in the past week i've just learned to look at all this and be so thankful. know that we'll figure it all out and that everything happens for a reason.

i am so excited to move and start the next chapter and i can't believe i've blogged this whole time.

i can't believe where we were when i started this blog and now... life is just so different and sometimes yes, it so much harder but it is so much better.

you got a call, didn't you?

he comes home in 2 weeks :)